March Madness

March Madness has hit out house and hit it hard! Every time the tv is on, we're watching basketball. Now, it's not that I don't like basketball. As a matter of fact, I did download the NCAA Tournament app for my new iPhone. However, I do like to watch something other than basketball now and then.

Last night, Donnie and the boys were watching the basketball games on the big screen in the living room. Since I wasn't feeling great and I just wanted some quiet, I figured I'd be safe in the bedroom away from the noise of the games. I wasn't in the room for five minutes before Donnie came in and turned on the tv. Seriously?!? What the heck? Our bedroom tv is smaller, what was wrong with the big screen? Though it was nice that he wanted to come sit with me and watch the games, I couldn't quite get him to understand that I was trying to escape all the noise in the first place.

No, I didn't kick him out of the room, I let him stay. However, I did make him watch American Idol before he could change the channel back to basketball. I was so tired, it didn't matter much anyway. Luckily, Kentucky had already played for the day so there was no need for him to ref the game from our bedroom. Since he wasn't as personally invested in these games as he is when Kentucky plays, I was able to sleep without being woken up by him yelling at the tv.

Though I would love to see the Cats go all the way, I'll be relieved when March Madness is over and I can once again sleep in peace!

Crazy Daisies

Things were already sliding down hill but the daisies just did me in. I think one of the hardest parts of being a mom to boys is knowing that one day, another girl with replace you as the most important girl in his life. Bobby and Hunter are my stepsons so I already accept that their moms beat me out of that top place. With Richie however, it seemed like he was going to be my boy for a very long time. I was content to cuddle with him infront of the tv as often as possible. Neither he nor Hunter seemed particularly interested in girls to begin with, so I figured I was safe for now.

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of girls chasing after my boys. Hunter learned just this week what happens when a girl has your cellphone number. He's gotten more texts from a certain set of twin sisters than everyone else combined. Still, he pretty much ignores the texts and the girls. He told me himself girls were just too weird and I loved that! Richie had the same "girlfriend" from Kindergarten to third grade when they just didn't see much of each other at school and kind of shrugged off the giggles that come with school yard crushes. I asked him once if it bothered him and he simply told me, "I don't care, she's just a girl." YAY!!

Lately though, he'd been talking about one little girl a lot. I've known for more than a year that she has a crush on Richie. She comes to see him play football and basketball and seeks him out any time they're in even remotely the same area. If she sees me anywhere in town her first question is always, "where's Richie?" So, hearing about Savannah didn't really register with me because he's talked about her off and on for a year but in general it was just about something she said to him or about him. Her grandfather is Richie's football coach so, the thought of having the coach's granddaughter as his "girlfriend" wasn't one he was too thrilled with. That was just fine with me.

However, Savannah's mom asked for advice on planning her birthday party and I agreed to sit and talk with her. She and her sister are very sweet little girls and I adore them both. So, we went over to their house one afternoon so the kids could play and mom and I could discuss party plans. After leaving Richie started telling me all the things he likes about Savannah. Mostly, it was that she's a tomboy which means she knows sports and plays the same games he likes to play. This caught me off guard so I asked him if he really liked her or if he just thought she was a friend. When he turned beet red, I knew I was done for.

After making me promise not to tell her or her mother, Richie told me he really likes her but that some of the other boys pick on him about it. We talked about why that was and he realized they were just jealous. This made Richie decide it was okay to tell everyone that Savannah was his "girlfriend." Oh, geeze, what do I do now?

Last Friday was Savannah's birthday party and Richie paced the floor waiting until it was time to go. He checked and rechecked her present a dozen times to make sure it was just right. Nevermind that the party was for her sister also, that didn't matter to him. He was plenty happy with letting me handle Carlie's present as long as he got to take care of Savannah's. During the party, her mother came up to me to let me know she'd busted them for kissing...for real?!? I'm way too young for this to start already! When I asked Richie he looked right at me and declared "she kissed me, she kissed me, I swear mom, I was just standing there." I kind of chuckled to myself in relief and walked away. They spent the rest of the party watching a movie while she snuggled up beside him on the couch. I couldn't help but pout a little, that was my spot. Still, when we left he told me he still thought she was weird. Hooray, my boy is still in there somewhere!

Monday came and brought Savannah's actual birthday. He called to talk to her on the phone and she wasn't home so he handed off the phone to me. While we talked, her mom mentioned that Savannah had been disappointed in not getting flowers from her uncle like her sister did. I didn't realize Richie was listening to our conversation until he looked at me and said, "mom, how much are flowers?" He'd decided that if Savannah wanted flowers, he was going to get her flowers. So, we headed to the store to pick some up and deliver them to her grandparents' house. After 10 minutes of debate, he picked a bouquet of Gerber Daisies that had been colored many bright colors. He refused every other bouquet because they all had something pink in them and as he pointed out, Savannah doesn't like pink. My Lord, he'd been paying a lot of attention!

When we pulled into the driveway to deliver them, he shook his head and told me we were at the wrong house. I told him she was there with her Grandfather. For a moment he didn't speak, his eyes got really big and his mouth dropped open. He then turned and shoved the flowers at me saying, "you take 'em!" I told him he needed to take her the flowers because they were from him and not me. After adjusting to the fact that his coach was in that house and would see him bringing in flowers, he agreed to take them to her. He stood beside me as I knocked on the door. Savannah came to the door and jerked it open when she saw that it was us on the porch. She flung herself at Richie, wrapping him in a hug. He hugged her back and when she pulled away, he sheepishly handed her the flowers. She took one look and told him he'd just given her the best birthday present ever. The look on his face said it all. He's not my little boy anymore, he's her "boyfriend" and all it took were some crazy daisies.

Dialect Vlog

Aunt, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught

Questions:

What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?

What is the bug that when you touch it, it curls into a ball?

What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?

What do you call gym shoes?

What do you say to address a group of people?

What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?

What do you call your grandparents?

What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?

What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?

What is the thing you change the TV channel with?

Join in! Leave me a link!

(I never realized it sounds like I have a lisp...oh boy!)

Moving On?

Do you ever hear something and have to stop and wonder "did I just hear that right?" On Friday, Donnie and I were discussing the possibility of moving out of Kentucky. Let me just say, for the most part I love my life here. I love that my kids can play and not have to constantly look over their shoulder; I love that at any time of the day and night I can call on my neighbors for help; most of all, I love my friends that I've made here. Still, Maryland is home. It's where I grew up and where a good chunk of my mom's family still lives. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't miss my cousins and wish I could be there and be in their lives more. Regardless, I have to find a job, no matter where I am. So, I brought up the idea of moving back to the Maryland area if it meant finding better jobs for both of us. Mind you, I did a search on Career builder and found twenty some pages of jobs that had been posted within 24 hours in the Frederick area and in Lexington I'm lucky to get 20 pages if I search for a month's worth of postings.

Nancy and Dim are looking at houses close to home because that's where she wants to raise her kids. She had mentioned they liked a house that includes a guest house out back. No, I'm not really looking to live next door to my sister forever....we'd kill each other. However, it would be an opportunity to get settled in a job before looking for a house of our own. It's not a big place and it wouldn't be ideal to live in for any length of time if we're talking about Donnie, Hunter, Richie and I. Still, it would be a start to a new life.

When I brought the idea up to Donnie, I simply said it would be a great opportunity. I also let him know that I understood and I still understand how difficult it might be to move and be able to take Hunter. While we have custody of him at this moment, moving out of state could mean leaving him behind with his mom if she wanted to push. And...she will push, no matter what we do, because that's what she does. I wanted Donnie to know that even if it sounded like a good deal, I do love him and the boys and I wouldn't want to make a decision that would tear our family apart just because. Donnie however, just looked at me and said, "if you want to take Richie and go then that's fine, I'll be okay, we'll manage." Just a note to all the guys out there...this is not the proper response to any discussion even remotely close to the one we were having. That is, unless you really do just want her to leave.

I was kind of stunned by his answer and felt sort of numb the rest of the day. To be honest, I went ahead and applied for some of the open jobs in the Frederick area. If I get one, then I know that's where I need to go. It hurt quite a bit to be told it didn't matter if I stayed or if I left. I'll be the first to admit, I don't worry too much about how anyone else feels if I'm hurt, I do what I feel like I need to do and everyone else be darned!

When I got home Friday I was still reeling from our conversation and really didn't feel like there was much left to be said. To his credit, Donnie noticed something was bothering me and stopped me to ask what was wrong. I told him, exactly what was wrong, in a not very kind manner. To my way of thinking, if it didn't matter if I left tomorrow, what did he care about what was bothering me? Furthermore, if he just assumed I leave, what would be the point in staying any longer? He explained that he didn't mean it that way but that if I wanted to go, he wouldn't blame me. The thing is, if I just walked away, I'd blame me.

Still, this has started my mind spinning. I know Donnie and Hunter won't be able to go if I move out of Kentucky. There's no way his ex-wife will let that happen. However, it's becoming more and more apparent that I have to find another job besides the daycare. We're not making any money and I don't want to put Nina into the hole either. So, I guess I'm just going to have to keep looking everywhere for a job and where I get one, that's where I'll go. As much as I love Donnie and the boys, love isn't going to put food on our table or pay the rent. For now, I'm just trusting that God will point me in the direction he wants me to go.

The Genius In My House

There is a genius living in my house. He's 6'2", 180 some pounds, seventeen years old and he knows EVERYTHING. If you don't believe me, you only have to ask him. It doesn't matter how much evidence you may have to the contrary, you are wrong and he is always right. This genius is named Bobby and he is my oldest stepson.

Bless his heart, I love him more and more every day. However, I'm anxiously waiting for him to grow out of his know it all phase and grow up. That being said, I'm not in a hurry for him to grow all the way up. I'm not ready for him to be out of the house, knowing that our time with him will be hit or miss. This is our last year as a full family before he goes off to college in the fall. I want to cherish every moment we have together, even if I have to argue the necessity of it.

I can honestly say though, I'm not alone. Bobby argues with anyone and everyone. I've heard him on the phone with his mother and she is so patient with him. I can hear her on the other end saying "okay Bobby, whatever you say." She and I have already learned, there is no point in arguing. He must have the last word. There is no way on God's green earth he is going to stop talking until you've given up and walked away. Even then, you can usually hear him mumbling behind you about how wrong you really are.

Unfortunately, the other males in our household have not discovered the uselessness of arguing. Donnie is forty-two years old. I keep telling him to let things go. Some things, Bobby will have to learn for himself. You can give  him your opinion, you can put your two cents in, but he's still going to do it his way. Why? Because his way is the right way! Still, Donnie and Bobby are more alike than they care to admit. Neither one can stand to be wrong, both must have the last word and neither of them are afraid to resort to threats. Bobby's general threats are that he'll go live with his mom. Donnie's are that he's going to ground him and take away his car. Will either of them carry these out? Not a chance! Bobby doesn't want to have to get up earlier to drive himself to school from his mom's house, not to mention the behavior expected of him from his mother. I admit, we let words slide in our home that she doesn't. Though I'd prefer not to hear them, at seventeen, I'm not about to start telling him now that he can't say what he means. Donnie on the other hand, thinks his threats will bother Bobby, even though Bobby knows, nothing will actually happen. Taking his car away would mean dad has to get up and take them all to school because even he doesn't want them riding the bus. (ask me if I care if they ride the bus to school at 9, 10 and 17 years old!)

Our younger boys find it impossible not to argue with Bobby. While Hunter gets mad and usually cries when he doesn't win the argument, Richie stomps off mumbling like my mother. Part of this I think is that Hunter, until Donnie and I got together, was programmed to fuss and cause trouble. Bobby could be on the other end of the house and if Hunter pouted and yelled his name, Bobby would end up in trouble. Now, Hunter seems to think it should still work that way. So, he argues on. He has to be right too. There's no way he could let Bobby have the last word and try as I might, I can't get Bobby to understand that there's no pride to be had in winning an argument with a 10 year old. Nope, neither one is willing to give. Usually, Hunter is reduced to yelling and crying and the boys have to be separated. Richie on the other hand swears he's right. Unfortunately, he generally picks things to argue over that even I know he's wrong, simply because he has no knowledge of the subject he is arguing. Just for once, I'd love to have him argue over a book he read...Bobby isn't much of a reader so at least I could take Richie's side and be pretty sure he's right. However, as he didn't spend the first 8 years of his life in a household where sports were life, I'm pretty sure it isn't wise for him to argue baseball, basketball or football. Does that stop him? Nope, not one bit! He's positive he knows what he's talking about and I have to give him credit, when he chooses a side on a topic, he's unwaveringly faithful to his position. Still, he's usually wrong too and at some point in the argument, Bobby will throw out some concrete evidence that he's right which sends Richie stomping into his room mumbling about looking it up online later.

None of this is foreign to me. I'll freely admit that there are times when I miss being a teenager and knowing everything. Not to mention, I have no problem owning up to the fact that the older my children get, the less I seem to know and remember. Still, I've spent my days arguing over nothing. No, seriously, never are any of these arguments life or death situations. No one will die because I mixed up the names of the Quarterbacks on the Super Bowl teams or on a player's NFL history. Still, as I've grown older, I've either learned not to argue unless it matters or I'm turning into Maxine and I just don't give a hoot. Either way, it utterly amazes me that regardless of age, the males around me can not grasp the concept of only arguing when it counts. So, I simply shake my head and walk away; put in my iPod headphones and know, I don't want to hear what they're mumbling behind my back. It's not an argument I'm going to win, after all, my kid is a genius!

Fed Up

While the sentiments shared in the original post are very much how I feel at times. I've chosen to remove it and just simply say, I'm fed up in general. Though I find no shame in telling people how I feel. I don't see it necessary to possibly hurt someone's feelings simply because I posted my thoughts and feelings here instead of telling them directly. While there are many who would simply read my little blow up as just that, me letting off some steam. There are others who would take it very personally. I may not be responsible for how they view things but I will be polite enough not to push those buttons.

Sign On The Dotted Line

Today was a big day in our family. Bobby signed with Kentucky Christian University to play football starting next fall. It was a proud moment for me to watch him sign his commitment to such a great place. This was a day I worried wouldn't happen for him. For you to understand that last statement, let me back up some.

Bobby's had a tough time in life. When he was young, his little brother James died in a drowning accident. Bobby wasn't there at the time and blames himself for not being there to watch James. Mind you, Bobby was 7 or 8 at the time. Still, it has been something that's always weighed on him. Donnie's divorce from Bobby's mom was final before Bobby was even two years old so he doesn't remember much of them as a family. Until he was in middle school, Bobby lived with his mom and step-father.

Now, I was not in Bobby's life then so I can't say for sure what all happened. However, as Bobby tells it, he was abused by his step-father. As Donnie tells it, Bobby was malnourished when Bobby came to live with him. According to Bobby's mother, things were fine until Bobby's step-mother came into the picture. In any case, things were tough on Bobby while living with his mom and he pushed to come live with his dad. After a while, his mother gave in and allowed him to move here to live with Donnie and his wife.

Again, this was not a part of Bobby's life I got to see personally, but the residual effects are there and I see them. In Donnie's house, his soon to be ex-wife was the boss, to put it mildly. She had three older children from a previous marriage and then she and Donnie had Hunter after they'd been married for a couple years. So, Bobby went from being the big brother to being one of three middle children, smack dab in a big mixed mess. His stepsister is to this day, a very selfish and unkind person. She has no trouble saying hurtful things or stirring up trouble for Bobby. Though Hunter looks up to his brother, he was the baby and he knew it. He  knew how to get around things by causing trouble and Bobby was an easy target because, really, he was the outsider in the family.

Almost two years ago, Donnie's wife walked out, leaving behind her youngest from her first marriage, Bobby and Hunter. Her son moved in with his Grandmother because that's where he'd been spending most of his time anyway. Bobby however, did not want to leave behind his school, his friends, Hunter or Donnie to move back into his mother's house. In the time between when she left and we met, I've been told that Bobby pretty much took care of things at home. Donnie fell deeper into depression than ever before and was prone to some serious mood swings. In reality, the boys were on their own to take care of one another.

When Donnie and I moved in together, things could get tense and tough in the house. It seemed Bobby and Donnie both were just ticking time bombs of emotion, ready to explode at any second. Bobby bore the brunt of every bad mood Donnie had and Hunter used that to his benefit. However, I don't handle double standards very well. As far as I'm concerned, it takes two to tango. If there was a fight or disagreement, both boys were at fault and both should be punished. It took some time, but Donnie quit seeing Hunter as a defenseless baby that couldn't understand what was going on. He learned to give both boys credit for having the brains and ability to discuss and issue without shouting and fighting.

For months, things were looking up for Bobby. We hadn't had an outburst or any kind. Little arguing over chores and an increased awareness of the responsibilities he had to himself as a person. He'd begun to think before acting, reacting or speaking. Bobby was understanding that once an action or word is out, it can't be taken back as though it never happened. Then, one day in May, we got the phone call. Bobby had been in a fight at school and he was in the Sheriff's office.

Now, I don't quite understand how this all worked, as Bobby was the only one to get in trouble for this altercation. Where I grew up, even if you didn't throw a punch, you were suspended because, generally, people don't just walk up to someone and knock them out without there being a history behind it. However, here Bobby was prosecuted for assault and assigned to juvenile detention. Donnie and I were furious as was his mother. This other child had harassed Bobby and his girlfriend to the extent that he'd followed the girl into the bathroom. The school administration knew about it but, to cover themselves, they pushed through the charges against Bobby. For a week, our bright, newly maturing and too trusting child was locked away like a common criminal.

When Bobby came home, they put him on probation for a year under strict regulations. He has to keep a chart of everything he does and everywhere he goes. He has a curfew and Donnie, his mother or I have to be with him if he is out past that time. Despite all this, Bobby has tried hard to maintain his focus in school. His grades are all A's and B's and he works out with the football team every day. Still, the other child has been allowed to harass him regularly during the school day. Bobby now has parts of the school he's not allowed to be in to "avoid any issues." We are all more than irritated by this situation. If Bobby had hung himself or slit his wrist because this child harassed him, the school would call him a victim and hold a memorial. Everyone would walk around talking about what a shame it was to waste such a young life. Instead, Bobby stood up for himself and has been branded a bully. He has had to work harder than all the other students to prove his worth and his abilities. We worried that the stress of this would tear him apart.

Instead, we stood today and watched as he signed on for the next step in his life. He's grown stronger because of all he's endured. Not only will he go on to college but he will go to a school that will value him as a person and help him to become the man God has made him to be. His professors and his coaches will appreciate the beautiful work God has done and will continue to do in him. They will help him grow and be by his side through it all. As the people who love him, we couldn't ask for anything more.

Basketball Season

Last week, the school basketball season began. We now have anywhere from two to five days a week devoted to ballgames. While I love watching the boys play ball, I don't get into it quite as much as they and Donnie do. Perhaps it's that basketball isn't nor has it ever been, my sport. I love baseball and football and have tried to learn everything I can about those games. However, we never watched basketball in my house and well, I'm not exactly basketball material on the court. I don't really know what constitutes a foul in basketball, I have no idea how one person can be called for a walk while another can do what looks like the same thing and go on without turning the ball over.

It's for this reason that I no longer sit with Donnie at the basketball games. To him, it's all a foul. If for any reason, it looks even closely like a foul, he wants it called. I don't get it. I will give him this, he's a lot less vocal than he was last year during basketball season but, he's still too vocal for me. While I like watching the kids play, I'll admit, the big draw is having an excuse to spend a couple hours with friends I wouldn't normally get to see so often. I have no problem owning up to the joy ball season gives me because well, I don't get out much unless it's for work or the kids.

Beyond that, it's nice that we have something we can do as a family. Even Bobby comes to Richie and Hunter's games. To me that's a very big deal. More than the fact that both little boys love to have him there, is that at 17 he chooses to be there to support them. How many teenagers would give up time from their social calendar to be there for their younger siblings, without a parent mandate? I have to hand it to him, he's even up for Hunter's 9am games on Saturdays. Those are games that even I've considered skipping.

The season will most likely wear on us all as it goes on. It means Richie and Hunter have no spare time on game nights because they'll have to get through homework and dinner before going to their games. Game nights are later bedtimes and quick showers as to not push bedtime back any further. Saturdays are often early mornings and late nights since both Bobby and Hunter play for the day with hours separating the games. Still, this is our last year to have Bobby with us through the season. Next year he'll go off to college and we'll enter into a whole new challenge, college and little league football games, sometimes on the same days. Even then, I won't be sitting with Donnie in the stands!

In The Beginning

"Let's start at the very beginning. A very good place to start..."

In the beginning, I was just a single mom. Though I did want to have someone to share my life with, I wasn't in any hurry either. My son, Richard and I were getting along just fine on our own. Or, at least, I thought we were.

Richard's dad was in and out of his life for his first five years. I did what I could to make it possible for them to have a relationship but that didn't seem to matter. When Richard was just past his fifth birthday, we moved to Kentucky. I originally reasoned that in moving, we would be closer to his dad and he'd be able to spend more time with him. For a brief time, this was true and we worked things out well. However, his dad and I both started dating around the same time and that's where the trouble began.

I dated a man who was loving, kind and incredibly giving. Christopher dated a woman that simple only cared for herself. Though, I'm sure that makes me seem like I'm just the bitter ex, from what I knew of her at the time, that's exactly how I saw her, selfish. Chris stayed in Richard's life for months after our relationships began and I was thrilled. Not only did he have Jason, my boyfriend, showing him all manner of love and affection, he had his dad in his life as well. However, we lost Jason suddenly in an accidental shooting. With that one swift kick, our lives flipped upside down. Jason was taken from us without warning and Christopher, finding no one else to compete with, dropped out of Richard's life soon after.

For three years after Jason's death, I didn't regularly date anyone. Part of me wasn't ready to move on and another part of me wasn't willing to risk the heartbreak of loss again. Then, one day I got a phone call from a friend. She said she knew a guy who was looking to meet a nice woman and have a relationship. When I asked her to describe him, she told me I already knew him. After she told me his name my answer was a loud and clear "not no but hell no!"

Yes, I knew this man she wanted me to meet. He was loud, he was obnoxious, he could be rude. I didn't like him, not one bit. Okay...maybe a tiny bit, but only because I'd thought he was kind of good looking. Still, like a lot of the good looking guys out there, he seemed to be a jerk. Besides, last I'd checked, he was married and his wife could bend me in half without breaking a sweat. I told her I'd pass on the suggestion and invite; it might be a good night to stay home.

Still, my friend pushed and convinced me just to come hang out at her house. We were just going to have pizza and play cards. His son was there as were her boys and our kids were all friends. Despite my better judgement, I went along with it. My son is a little social butterfly and he'd be upset if he found out he'd missed spending time with his friends. So, off we went to eat pizza and play cards.

To my amazement, I had a great time with Donnie and couldn't believe how different he was without his ex-wife around. It's strange how much influence someone can have on your behavior and attitude. The next day my friend called asking if she could give Donnie my number. What's more, he was sitting at her kitchen table, waiting for my answer. Within minutes of hanging up with her, Donnie was calling. We seemed to talk about everything and nothing for hours. We laughed about having to schedule phone time with his teenager so they could both get in quality talk time.

For more than a month however, I refused to treat our relationship as anything more than a friendship. To begin with, I wasn't ready for Richard to get attached to someone. Then, there was the fact that I myself wasn't too sure I was ready to get attached either. Donnie was patient and very persistent, so the relationship pushed ahead. Before we knew it, we were moving in together. All of the sudden, I was drowning in a sea of testosterone. Donnie has two boys, Hunter and Bobby. While I have Richard. This definitely made me the odd woman out.

There are things that go on in our house that would make any woman crazy. My boys do things that just leave me speechless at times. Through this blog, I want to share the good and the bad, the silly and the serious and all the moments in between. You just never know what you'll get when you walk into my house but there's never a dull moment. Won't you join me on the ride?