Today was a big day in our family. Bobby signed with Kentucky Christian University to play football starting next fall. It was a proud moment for me to watch him sign his commitment to such a great place. This was a day I worried wouldn't happen for him. For you to understand that last statement, let me back up some.
Bobby's had a tough time in life. When he was young, his little brother James died in a drowning accident. Bobby wasn't there at the time and blames himself for not being there to watch James. Mind you, Bobby was 7 or 8 at the time. Still, it has been something that's always weighed on him. Donnie's divorce from Bobby's mom was final before Bobby was even two years old so he doesn't remember much of them as a family. Until he was in middle school, Bobby lived with his mom and step-father.
Now, I was not in Bobby's life then so I can't say for sure what all happened. However, as Bobby tells it, he was abused by his step-father. As Donnie tells it, Bobby was malnourished when Bobby came to live with him. According to Bobby's mother, things were fine until Bobby's step-mother came into the picture. In any case, things were tough on Bobby while living with his mom and he pushed to come live with his dad. After a while, his mother gave in and allowed him to move here to live with Donnie and his wife.
Again, this was not a part of Bobby's life I got to see personally, but the residual effects are there and I see them. In Donnie's house, his soon to be ex-wife was the boss, to put it mildly. She had three older children from a previous marriage and then she and Donnie had Hunter after they'd been married for a couple years. So, Bobby went from being the big brother to being one of three middle children, smack dab in a big mixed mess. His stepsister is to this day, a very selfish and unkind person. She has no trouble saying hurtful things or stirring up trouble for Bobby. Though Hunter looks up to his brother, he was the baby and he knew it. He knew how to get around things by causing trouble and Bobby was an easy target because, really, he was the outsider in the family.
Almost two years ago, Donnie's wife walked out, leaving behind her youngest from her first marriage, Bobby and Hunter. Her son moved in with his Grandmother because that's where he'd been spending most of his time anyway. Bobby however, did not want to leave behind his school, his friends, Hunter or Donnie to move back into his mother's house. In the time between when she left and we met, I've been told that Bobby pretty much took care of things at home. Donnie fell deeper into depression than ever before and was prone to some serious mood swings. In reality, the boys were on their own to take care of one another.
When Donnie and I moved in together, things could get tense and tough in the house. It seemed Bobby and Donnie both were just ticking time bombs of emotion, ready to explode at any second. Bobby bore the brunt of every bad mood Donnie had and Hunter used that to his benefit. However, I don't handle double standards very well. As far as I'm concerned, it takes two to tango. If there was a fight or disagreement, both boys were at fault and both should be punished. It took some time, but Donnie quit seeing Hunter as a defenseless baby that couldn't understand what was going on. He learned to give both boys credit for having the brains and ability to discuss and issue without shouting and fighting.
For months, things were looking up for Bobby. We hadn't had an outburst or any kind. Little arguing over chores and an increased awareness of the responsibilities he had to himself as a person. He'd begun to think before acting, reacting or speaking. Bobby was understanding that once an action or word is out, it can't be taken back as though it never happened. Then, one day in May, we got the phone call. Bobby had been in a fight at school and he was in the Sheriff's office.
Now, I don't quite understand how this all worked, as Bobby was the only one to get in trouble for this altercation. Where I grew up, even if you didn't throw a punch, you were suspended because, generally, people don't just walk up to someone and knock them out without there being a history behind it. However, here Bobby was prosecuted for assault and assigned to juvenile detention. Donnie and I were furious as was his mother. This other child had harassed Bobby and his girlfriend to the extent that he'd followed the girl into the bathroom. The school administration knew about it but, to cover themselves, they pushed through the charges against Bobby. For a week, our bright, newly maturing and too trusting child was locked away like a common criminal.
When Bobby came home, they put him on probation for a year under strict regulations. He has to keep a chart of everything he does and everywhere he goes. He has a curfew and Donnie, his mother or I have to be with him if he is out past that time. Despite all this, Bobby has tried hard to maintain his focus in school. His grades are all A's and B's and he works out with the football team every day. Still, the other child has been allowed to harass him regularly during the school day. Bobby now has parts of the school he's not allowed to be in to "avoid any issues." We are all more than irritated by this situation. If Bobby had hung himself or slit his wrist because this child harassed him, the school would call him a victim and hold a memorial. Everyone would walk around talking about what a shame it was to waste such a young life. Instead, Bobby stood up for himself and has been branded a bully. He has had to work harder than all the other students to prove his worth and his abilities. We worried that the stress of this would tear him apart.
Instead, we stood today and watched as he signed on for the next step in his life. He's grown stronger because of all he's endured. Not only will he go on to college but he will go to a school that will value him as a person and help him to become the man God has made him to be. His professors and his coaches will appreciate the beautiful work God has done and will continue to do in him. They will help him grow and be by his side through it all. As the people who love him, we couldn't ask for anything more.
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